How We Teach Our Babies to Sleep Through the Night
Let's just start by admitting-- it's normal for babies to be hungry at night. They are born hungry all day and all night. But you aren't hungry during the night, and neither is your toddler. Our metabolism adjusts so that we get all the nutrition we need during the day and while we're resting, our body fasts. This is normal and healthy. At what point, then, is the right time to stop needing food during the night? There are one-year-olds who are legitimately hungry while they are sleeping because eating during the night is normal for them. Yet our two-month-old sleeps for eight hours straight, and wakes up happy in the morning, smiling and kicking until we come to get her. We can change her diaper, talk to her, then pick her up, and only then does she realize that it's time to eat. The difference is in adjusting the baby's metabolism to only need food during the day. From the time our babies are born, we have a mindset of teaching them that daytime is the expected time to eat all you need, and nighttime is for sleeping. We use babywise as a system that keeps our thinking on the right track. There are two main pillars of the babywise philosophy- nurse the baby with good, full feeds whenever they are hungry (but space these feeds adequately so they really are hungry) and have the baby learn to drift off without nursing to sleep. First, space the feedings. When babies are born, they are hungry. For two or three days, they nurse frequently enough to teach your breasts to make milk. This is very important and you must listen to them. However, if they are sucking all the time (like, half an hour out of every hour or so), your nipples will be very uncomfortable. We usually try for at least two hours between the beginning of one nursing to the beginning of the next during those hungry days and a total nursing time of half an hour to 45 minutes. We're aiming for two and a half to three hours between feedings, but it's okay to get there slowly. And we want to be absolutely certain that our baby isn't going hungry. There's a big difference between getting hungry and going hungry. Getting hungry is normal and healthy between feedings and allows the baby to nurse ambitiously without getting sleepy so quickly. This, in turn, properly empties each breast so that baby gets the foremilk and the hindmilk, which is richer. Going hungry means the baby isn't getting enough to thrive. It is vital to see the difference between these to have a successful nursing relationship. Even moms who nurse on demand can have babies who don't gain weight. This can be because of a poor latch or because mom has a physiological difficulty producing milk. After nursing is established, one way to be certain your baby is getting enough is to teach them to eat only every two and a half to three hours, and, then, if they are consistently happy up until their next feeding time, guess what? They aren't going hungry. Can they have a happy waketime, even if it's just a few minutes? They aren't going hungry. Are their diapers soaking wet after every feed? They aren't going hungry. Every nursing mom must be very vigilant for these signs of a satisfied baby.
By the way, when our fourth child was in NICU, the automatic feeding program was a three hour schedule. As we were receiving instructions for going home, the doctor was telling us we could feed on demand (as per protocol) and when we said that we would keep the three hour feeding routine, since that was normal for all our babies, he looked relieved and told us that would be perfect. We were talking about a very sick, very skinny, two week old baby with undiagnosed digestion problems, yet an every three hour feeding plan was going to be best for her, too.
Not all crying is hungry crying. At first, you don't trust yourself to tell the difference between hungry crying, sleepy crying or uncomfortable crying. It's okay to wonder if you are right. What's not okay is to assume that every cry means "I want food". That is not the case, and your baby's digestion will thank you if you learn when not to feed. Here's what we do: feed the baby every two and a half to three hours, then actively work to wake the baby (yes, it is work at first- diaper changing is handy for this step), then after a waketime, help the baby fall asleep. Swaddling, cuddling and walking are helpful. We also don't use any false nipples (soothers) to keep baby sleeping, which eliminates the possibility of missing a hunger cue. There is another article on falling asleep here. When the baby wakes up, feed them and start the cycle again. After a week or so, you should get a happy, alert baby for up to half an hour or even more after every feeding. We also don't let them go any longer than three hours between feeds during the day, so, yes, we do wake our babies to feed them. We do this all day (day being loosely defined as "when we want to be awake") and then allow them to sleep as long as they want to at night. Our most recent baby wanted to feed every three hours at night (so, 24 hours a day) until she was six weeks old. Then she slept from 11 until 3 am for the next four weeks. Now, at eleven weeks, after a week of gradually sleeping until 4 or 5 am, she is waking between 6 and 7 am for her morning nursing. Which means seven or eight hours of sleep for mom, who feels like a new woman! In the newborn stage, let's say, the first month, this allows you to learn to be accurate in understanding each kind of crying- hungry crying, sleepy crying or uncomfortable crying. Everything happens in a fixed routine, you and baby know what to expect next, and both you and baby learn to enjoy predictability.
